Here are 5 easy cooking recipes I wrote down just for you, John my love, after remembering you mentioning cooking sausages for your best friend*. The dinners below, besides being tried and true and easy-peasy, are plain, nourishing, tasty, cheap, quick, satisfying, and don’t require fancy kitchen equipment or expensive ingredients:

Angel of the North Plus CraftFive elements make Gateshead a uniquely potent locus on the spiritual plane: 1) the Kolel in Bensham, the world’s most important center of esoteric Talmudic scholarship; 2) the Sage symphony concert hall on the River Tyne, which because of its particular physical manifestation is blessed by Sarasvati; 3) the underground cable hub; 4) the Angel of the North, a huge guardian structure overlooking Low Fell, the working class neighborhood where my beloved grew up (see above); 5) the city’s long history of UFO sightings and alien visitations. Above the Angel: “The Blaydon Races” (Geordie Ridley, 1862) sung by Jimmy Nail, Tim Healy and Kevin Whately for the Sir Bobby Robson Foundation. “Ah me lads, ye shudda seen us gannin’ / We pass’d the foaks upon the road just as they wor stannin’ / Thor wes lots o’ lads an’ lasses there, all wi’ smiling faces / Gannin alang the Scotswood Road, to see the Blaydon Races…”

NEWCASTLE LAMB STEW

  • ½ lb boneless lamb, cut small
  • 1 large potato 8-12 oz, peeled and cut into small pieces
  • 2 medium carrots, peeled and sliced (though carrots are not traditional)
  • 1 large onion, peeled and chopped
  • 1 tsp salt
  • ½ tsp pepper
  • 1 tsp dried thyme
  • 4 cups liquid, preferably beef, lamb or pork broth; otherwise, water or combination water+broth totaling 4 cups
  • 2 tbs cooking oil, margarine, butter or other desired fat

Saute lamb pieces and onion in fat until lamb starts to brown and onions begin to soften. Add remaining ingredients. Bring to a boil, cover, and cook for 30-45 minutes or until lamb and vegetables are tender. If desired, adjust seasonings. If desired, thicken consistency with a paste made from water+flour or water+cornstarch or other thickener. Add paste to pot and cook over high heat, stirring constantly until mixture is smooth and gravy is of desired thickness.

Serves 2, or 1 with leftovers.

GATESHEAD SAUSAGE STEW

  •  ½ lb good quality smoked sausage such as Polish or garlic, left whole or cut into 2 pieces or sliced
  • ½ lb potatoes, peeled and cut up
  • ½ lb cabbage, cored and sliced to cole slaw consistency
  • 1 large onion, peeled and chopped
  • 4 cups beef broth, fresh or tinned (no boullion cubes or powder, please!)
  • Salt and pepper to taste, depending on type of sausage used

Combine all ingredients to a large pot, bring to boil and cover and cook on medium heat for ½ hour or until all vegetables are tender.

Serves 2, or 1 with leftovers.

GEORDIE CHICKEN CURRY

  • 2 cups cooked diced chicken or tinned boneless chicken (note: leftover roast or boiled chicken may be used)
  • 1 onion, peeled and finely chopped
  • 2 cups chicken broth, tinned or fresh (note: if you have boiled chicken for this recipe, use the broth in which it was boiled)
  • 1 cup tinned peas
  • Salt and pepper to taste

Combine chicken broth and onion in saucepan and boil until onion is just tender. Then add chicken meat and peas. Add salt, pepper and 2 tsp curry powder or more if spicier dish is desired. When mixture is heated through, add flour or cornstarch paste (note: see Newcastle Lamb Stew above) to mixture, stirring constantly until desired thickness. Serve on bed of plain boiled white rice with side of mushy peas and mango chutney if desired.

Serves 2, or 1 with leftovers.

TYNESIDE MINCE AND MASH

For the mince:

  • 4 oz ground beef, pork or lamb or 2 cups minced beef, pork or lamb (note: roast or boiled leftover meats may be used; if using fresh ground meat, saute with onions, adding a little oil if meat is quite lean, then add remaining ingredients)
  • 1 cup minced onion
  • 2 cups meat broth
  • 1 tbs Worcestershire sauce
  • Salt and pepper to taste

Bring all ingredients to a boil and when onion is soft and raw meat is cooked add thickening paste (see above).

For the mash:

  • 1 lb potatoes, peeled and cut up

Boil potatoes in separate pot in water until very soft. Drain potatoes thoroughly, add 2 tbs butter or margarine and mash thoroughly with masher or large fork. When mixture is thoroughly mashed whip it with a large spoon, adding more or margarine if desired until mash is very thick and smooth. Transfer mash to serving plate and top with mince. Serve with boiled Brussels sprouts if desired.

Serves 2, or 1 with leftovers.

WEE BONNY JOHN’S SIMPLE FISH AND CHIPS**

For the fish:

  • ½ lb firm whitefish filet such as cod, snapper or perch

Cut filet into 4 2-oz pieces.

For the batter:

  • 1 cup flour, seasoned with salt, pepper and dried dill weed
  • ¼ tsp baking soda which has been dissolved
  • in 1 tbs vinegar

Stirring constantly, add sufficient water to make a thick batter.

For the chips:

  • ½ lb potatoes, peeled and sliced into chips of desired size

In a pot or deep skillet heat vegetable oil to high heat. Add chips and fry until golden brown. Remove chips from oil and drain on newspapers.

Dip fish in batter to coat and immediately fry in remaining hot oil for 2-3 minutes or until underside is brown; then turn fish with slotted spatula and fry for 1-2 minutes more. When fish coating is brown and firm remove fish from oil and drain on newspapers with chips. Serve with boiled carrots in parsley butter.

For the carrots:

  • 8 oz carrots, peeled and sliced

Boil in water until tender. Drain carrots and remove from pot. In drained pot add

  • 4 tbs butter or margarine
  • 1 tsp minced parsley
  • 1 tbs minced chives
  • 1tsp dried dill weed

Melt butter and stir until herbs and butter are evenly mixed, then add reserved cooked carrots and toss in parsley butter for about 5 minutes until carrot slices are evenly coated.

To serve, place fish, chips and carrots on serving plates and sprinkle fish and chips with salt and malt vinegar.

Serves 2. It doesn’t keep.

*If you mean bangers, the best way to cook them is to prick them so they won’t explode, then fry them gently in lard or bacon fat.

**That’s Mister Grumble‘s name for you, John love, not mine. At least I got him to stop calling you The Butcher of Oklahoma.

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